On the chest of a barmaid at Yale
Was tattooed the price of each ale;
Whilst on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was precisely the same, but in braille.
There was a young plumber from Leigh
Who was plumbing a maid by the sea;
Said the maid, "Stop your plumbing,
I hear someone coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"
A fairy one time in Khartoum,
Asked a lesbian up to his room;
They spent the whole night
In a hell of a fight
About which should do what, and to whom.
Ethnologists up with the Sioux
Wired home for two punts, one canoe.
The answer next day
Said, "Girls on the way,
But what in the hell's a 'panoe'?"
There was a young lady from Thrace
Whose corsets grew too tight to lace.
Her mother said, "Nelly,
There's more in your belly
Than ever went in through your face!"
The limerick form is complex,
Its contents run chiefly to sex.
It burgeons with virgeons
And masculine urgeons,
And swarms with erotic effex.
While Titian was mixing rose-madder
His model posed nude on a ladder.
Her position, to Titian,
So he climbed up the ladder and had 'er.
There was a young lady of Skye
With a shape like a capital "I".
She said, "It's too bad;
But then, I can pad."
Which shows you that figures can lie.
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think –
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.
A nudist resort at Hyères
Took a midget in unaware.
But he made members weep
For he just couldn't keep
His nose out of private affairs.
There was a young lady of Norway
Who hung by her heels in the doorway.
She said to her beau,
"Come look at me, Joe.
I think I have found yet one more way."
A crooner who lived in Lahore
Got his privates caught in a door.
Now his mezzo-soprano
Is rather piano,
Though he was a strong basso before.
There was a young girl who begat
Triplets named Nat, Pat, and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding
But hell in the feeding:
She found there was no tit for Tat!
A remarkable race are the Persians,
They have such peculiar diversions.
They make love all day
In the regular way,
And save up the night for perversions.
There was a young lady from Ransom
Who was had seven times in a hansom.
When she cried out for more,
A voice from the floor
Said, "My name is Simpson, not Samson."
There was a young girl whose frigidity
Approached cataleptic rigidity
Till you gave her a drink,
When she quickly would sink
In a state of complaisant liquidity.
I once had the wife of a Dean
Seven times while the Dean was out skiin'.
She remarked with some gaiety,
"Not bad for the laity,
But the bishop once managed thirteen."
To his bride said the lynx-eyed detective,
"Could it be that my eyesight's defective?
Has the east tit the least bit
The best of the west tit,
Or is it a trick of perspective?"
There was a young lady of Exeter,
So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
One lad was so brave
As to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
A businesslike harlot named Draper
Once tried an unusual caper.
What made it so nice
Was you got it half-price
If you brought in her ad from the paper.